uuuuugggggghhhh my life at the moment

lately i've been all blah again i dont know what to do again i feel alone even tho i have jackson. i feel like i dont matter in this world my parents cant stand me i know they cant. i want out of there house i dont want too be there anymore im sick of it. i try too be something and ppl shoot me down for it whether its my family or so called friends so what i want to be a mortician yea its not a pleasant job but so what. yea it'll be hard at first but i think i can get through the school i dont know so far i can pass 2 of the tests on the GED. i know someone thats a mortician and he said he would show me the ropes. i dont want to end up like my family i want to do something i want to be able to support myself unlike my older sister that cant afford too pay her car payment or insurance and cell phone. i want to be able to pay for my own apartment and the stuff i need.

me

i am me that's who i am. I'm different from you and anyone else. I'm a cutter. i do stuff you don't approve of or don't like. i like the unusual things that no body pays attention too. i don't know why i am the way the way i am. I'm a screw up. no matter what i do i do it wrong I'm not perfect but then nobody is. my mind isn't perfect my body, my life, my family nothing is. I'm just me that's all i can be and what i can be good at. i always care what you think about me but i shouldn't. i should be happy the way i am and what i have still. maybe i should work better at what i want and try too make something of myself. believe in myself more maybe its because i don't have my faith anymore. what do you do when tragedy happens and steals it all away do you gain it back. when you lose almost everything you wanted but never realized u had just an arms length away and it just slipped what do you live for then.

my addiction

it feels wonderful.
it stings.
its paradise.
its hell.
it looks beautiful.
it looks ugly.
its love.
its hate.
its fantastic.
its terrible.
its like a drug.
its addiction.
over and over again. you cant stop until your all bled out. cut up into shreds.

screwed up.
damaged.
no one can save you.

my love life

right now i'm dating this guy he's great. he's even irish. his dad has a job offer in austrilia. which means he would be movie too. i asked him what would happen to our relationship. he replied back im not moving no matter what. we've been dating since october 21st which is the longest relationship i have ever been in. all the last guys were ok but jackson's just different. he's not like the others he actually cares whats going. he gets jealous about some things but i think that means if he wasn't getting jealous he wouldn't care. I'm only 16 but i've never felt like this before. when we got into a fight he said he was sorry that he was being a jerk. we worked everything out and i told him most of it was mine. everyday he says goodmorning and i love you. he is everything to me right now he's the only thing in my life that i really care about.
tyann

written on her lips chapter 1

then

when i was 12 years old i guess its where all this begins. i started hanging with Logan Colton when i moved in they were great pals we were always doing stupid stuff on bikes being little dare devils. Tesla moved in next to me she taught and told me things i didnt know about or heard of. i went to church so people thought of me as the girl that went to church every sunday morning and night and wensday nights. but i proved them wrong i would do the same things they were doing. the next summer after Tesla moved in so did Cody and Dalton. they started hanging out with us more to the group. i didnt like the girls at church there were only 2 and lauren i didn't like she made fun of me she wouldnt give me a chance. Morgan and i werew friends since 3 years old. i didnt want to hang with them they weren't allowed at my because my dad wasnt a christian. so that summer i just hung out with Tesla, Cody and Dalton. all of a sudden Shaun started hanging with us so we were at his house all the time. one day we were in Cody and Daltons basement they decided to play seven minutes in heaven. me being the only girl there. so it was just us 3 Cody me and Shaun. my first kiss with to guys i barely knew and even hungout with. Shaun and his family left for vacation. me Cody and Dalton hungout in his back yard in the tree house sort of thing. Cody got a hold of spary paint and a lighter we'd spary a line and light it on fire. they also had a cooler with beer in it still so we took 2. we drank some and messed around. some how his parents found out about the lighter and spary paint. Cody got grounded and blamed me for it. after that it was just me and Dalton. he always got picked on kinda like me. one day me and Dalton and Colton were in Daltons back yard jumping on the trampoline Cody came out and said he was ungrounded he disappeared into the garage he came out a while later with a bloody nose. he told us he was punching himself. he went in the house and came out told Dalton he was in trouble. we already knew what had happened he went and told his parents Dalton had punched him. it was messed up we knew that cody could have stopped Dalton. but luckly Dalton wasn't in trouble but Cody got grounded again which was LOL. school started again Dalton was busy. so i hung out with Tesla. then i started hanging with Logan again. Logan and i were hanging out one night and Kayli my sister and Gary Dalton and codys step brother were in her room making out. Logan and i were looking through her window laughing our butts off. soon they heard us and chased us off. soon came the truth or dare just Tesla, Logan and me. i was dared of course too kiss Logan. the only thing i had done so far as in kissing was just a peck pretty much well this one was tongue. after that night i didn't hang with Logan again. before i had met maui through a girl named alexis bightler also known as miss piggy or bacon. and after that he came to Codys house but that was all. some how he knew Tesla and knowing Tesla of course got us hanging out. then it got cold we didnt do much just kept to ourselves. april 25th came happy birthday 13 years old whoo hoo. some how Maui got my number of course Tesla again probably. we started hanging out he asked me out i guess it wasn't like dating. we just went to his house sucked face in his room layed on his bed watched movies. we were on and off of course. a lot of the time he got grounded a lot but his mum let me come over and hangout anyway. he had a step dad his mum was and his step were drug users. but she was nice anyway. Dalton and Cody moved their parents builta house out at Lake Maloney. no one didn't move in.

Now

the anniversarry of my aunt and cousins death passed i made it through. its been 2 years now since they died and my world was turned upside down. theres a movie called curious george the music done by jack johnson one of my favorite musicians. he has a song called upside down. when we would get in the car with my cousins LynDee and Paiton and we would listen to that soundtrack. we sung along with all those songs. we also sung along with the nitty gritty dirt band our song was fishing in the dark. how could anyone exspect a 4 and 2 year old to know those songs. it was the best time in my life driving around with Kayli and the girls just singing along.

Then

Maui and i were off of course. i got depressed i wasn't hanging with anyone again. just sitting at home all the time. i started cutting. it felt awesome. i felt something more then sad or lonely. i had seen it done on a movie before called thirteen. the girl started doing drugs and what not and started cutting. i could understand why people liked it so much. i did it about 4 times. i wore a sweat band for a year. i took it off during camp i had a white spot where my arm didnt get tan. 14 came around so did maui again. on and off again. christmas was coming at the park we had rides and they did free ones. we took LynDee with us caroling and to the park. Morgan and i took LynDee on rides and we took a bunch of pictures. that night LynDee stayed the night at our house. the next day we went too Arnold Morgan came too. LynDee got shot gun the whole way there and back. i dont know how many times we lsitened to the grinch song. a few weeks came and went so did christmas. aunt jo asked us too watch LynDee morgan was over again. and mum went and got new movies and got us pizza. we were in the living room watching the theif lord i looked over at morgan and her and Lyndee were cuddled up on the couch. it was cute. january came and Kayli moved too grand island to nanny for some people. one night i stayed at morgans the next day we were going to the childrens muesem. we stayed pretty much the whole day. for lunch we went to a&w for lunch after that we went back to the muesem. we asked if we could walk to the library since it was only on the other corner. we checked our emails. on our way back we were running down the ally it started snowing and it got slick. we were laughing at how funny it would be if one of us biffed it. well me being the lucky one scraped my hand up. we went inside and messed around being dorks like no other. around like 6 we leave lisa morgans mum asked me if i wanted to do supper i said i would pass my mum was suppose to be off at 7. so i get home dads there and i changed into shorts and a t-shirt i put in the movie the princess diaries 2. at 8 mum walked through the door crying i thought she had fallen she had snow on her. but then dad asked what happened mum said Jodee and the girls died in a car wreck. she said johnathan was in the hospital in kearney he broke his leg and head trauma and vomit in his lungs. she told us harold and susan were coming over. she told me too change and pick my room up some. she didnt hug me or anything. harold and susan came and they prayed read some scriptures then left. some people started coming over first lisa sheffield then missy wagner. they were sitting at the table talking about everything and i got on messanger to tell morgan i told her and 10 minutes later her and lisa came through the door. lisa hugged me and then i hugged morgan. i had never seen morgan cry except for once. we sat around talking and then everyone left. mum told me to get some sleep that i would need it.

to be continued...

my story

from now im going to write my story stuff about the past and whats happening now. it'll be pretty bad but i want to write. i like writing and making stories but this one is true it will be nothing but the truth. im going to call it written on her lips. im not open to my friends about stuff but i want to be. theres stuff none of them could understand or havent gone through. they dont know the pain of losing someone so dear and close to them. i want them to understand.

yours sincerly tyann

hello

I'm new to this so I really dont have any ideah what to do. so I will tell u a lil about me. im 15 almost 16 ( whoo hoo) sweet freedom. I love to do draw and paint. im also the athletic type too I play softball. I'm really into skateboarding and all sorts of stuff like that. well I have blond hair and blue eyes. i'm depressed most of the time. I really dont have any friends to hang out with. so im kind of a loner. I love to read no matter what it is I'll read it whether it's history or any of the others. i love music it's pretty much my life i cant do anything without listening to it. well if u want to know more comment me or something. ttyl dudes